When people had hurt me in the past, I would feel that pain and my heart would shut down. I use to want to transcend that emotional sensation, but tonight was different. I was around the person who I allowed to hurt more so than any other person on this planet. I say “allowed” because it is true, it doesn’t matter that her decisions triggered certain mental talk and emotional feelings, I was the one that kept her in my life. So when she came to pick up the last of her belongings, all those sensations came back. I guess I expected an apology or something like that, but the act of expecting an apology is what ALLOWED for me to be hurt once again. Instead of acting on these sensations, which were intense in the moment, I sat with them. I listened to the pain instead of telling it to leave. I acknowledge the hurt and sat in the seat of the observer as my mental talk started grinding its gears. Instead of lashing out like I use to by being passive aggressive, condescending or angry, I just allowed myself to be hurt and said my final goodbyes. Tonight I learned that sometimes the wisest decisions, are the hardest to make, forgiveness, acceptance and silence.
May all beings be happy,